Been a little while. Need more vacations and less work so I can get back to this more often.
Bond theme is a little more jazzy.
Oh shit, visiting the grave of his wife. Continuity! A helicopter shows up at the cemetery to take him away for work. Damn, can’t give the guy five minutes to drop flowers and mourn?
Uh oh, is that Blofeld? He’s got the cat and a neck brace. He zaps the helicopter pilot through magic and is controlling the chopper via remote.
Okay, what the hell? So Bond has to get to the controls by going outside the helicopter, which he does. He then disables the remote control. Meanwhile, Blofeld (assuming that is him) was right below in a wheelchair controlling it. Bond manages to pick up the wheelchair with the helicopter skid and drops him into a large smokestack. Of course first Blofeld was pleading and I think he offered to give him a delicatessen? And the music playing was very disco 70’s.
This is one of the better Bond songs and Sheena Easton is very 80’s pretty.
An old fishing boat is a cover for some government thing. The fishermen haul in an old school mine that sinks the boat. They tried to destroy something or other, but failed and they all drowned.
We’re introduced to a kind of pretty lady. A plane drops her off on a boat and she meets her parents. The plane then comes back and guns down her parents. I guess this would be dramatic if I knew who the hell these people are.
Moneypenny! I know I’ll lose this actress eventually, so just enjoying her while she’s here. She has a hidden makeup stash and gets all dolled up for Bond, who enters throwing his hat onto the coat rack.
No M. He’s away or something.
Ah, the killed parents were looking for the sunken fishing boat. Working all undercover for the British government since they couldn’t officially go and get the wreckage. They give Bond files and it has the movie title on the front. Maybe it’s the script?
Early 80’s sports cars have a very dated look and it’s bad.
Whelp, it blew up. Bond was breaking into what looks like the Playboy mansion. He quickly is captured but the boss guy gets shot with an arrow. He uses the distraction to escape and runs into the arrow killer. It’s the daughter of the dead people. They run to his car (Lotus). Some dudes are looking to break in. It has a sticker that says “burglar protected.” Dude breaks the window and the car blows up. Early car alarms were effective at stopping theft, I’ll give them that.
Well that was an odd car chase. Is this one of the bad ones? This feels like one of the bad ones.
I can’t tell if Q and Bond really hate each other or secretly want to fuck.
They use fancy computers to basically create a sketch artist rendering of a bad guy. Seemed like the least efficient way to do that.
Kind of clever. Bond goes to a ski resort and gets a room. In the bathroom he steams it up and there’s a message on the mirror to meet his contact.
Ugh, the pretty skater’s name is Bibi Dahl? Say that one out loud and roll your eyes with me.
Wow. Even Bond has limits I guess. Bibi was introduced as a potential gold medal winning skater who only focuses on skating and not wise of the ways of the world. Meanwhile, she broke into Bond’s room, comes out of the bathroom wearing only a towel and hops in bed, removing said towel. She’s basically saying, open for business and business is good. Bond turns her down! I don’t know how old she’s supposed to be, but it might end in the word teen, so good on him for saying no.
Who invented the biathlon? Skiing and shooting? Why not roller skating and juggling?
That was a very long, boring ski chase scene, and it ended with the bad guy throwing his fucking motorcycle at Bond in frustration as Bond escapes. Yeah, this is a bad one and Rotten Tomatoes lies.
They even made hockey and a Zamboni boring. Oops, Bond’s contact is dead.
We’re halfway in and I don’t think he’s had sex with anyone!
Oh there we go. Some countess something or other. Assuming she’s a baddie, but at least she’s age appropriate.
Well so much for her. Run over by a dune buggy.
Damn, he even turned down a drink. What’s happening here?
Bunch of dudes on boats killing each other. No idea who is who.
Even his quips are boring.
Oh no, underwater adventures.
Why don’t bad guys just shoot Bond? This was the worst attempt at killing him yet. Him and the daughter are tied together and pulled by a boat. They kept stopping to give him a chance to breathe and escape. So weird.
That one dude is from Flash Gordon!
Rock climbing…
Everyone is taking their turn showing Bibi the back of their hand.
They had Margaret Thatcher talking to a parrot that they thought was Bond. That’s how this thing ended.
The End.
Bond will return in Octopussy.
I found this one just boring, plain and simple. The fact my dogs were acting like assholes during it probably didn’t help. Nothing was fun or exciting, just meh. I checked out pretty early on this one. Oh well.
